----------HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS!!!--------------
We went to church this morning and I was totally falling asleep. It was so bad! My thoughts weren't completely in the presence of God, I kept thinking back to what I did on Friday, that I have to go to confession, that I have to talk to Irene and whatever the hell else that popped into my head. I don't know... I know that I wouldn't do that when I'm at church at Irvine and I noticed that I act a lot differently at mass with my family then I do with my Liwanag family. Is that a sign that the only reason I act that way is because I'm around friends and I do it for them not God? I hope not. I've asked myself this question so many times. I mean, do I go to Liwanag meetings to meet up with my friends, or to go there for God? I was also thinking about this during church... am I there for God or am I there just because it's expected of me to be there?
I took time out once, I think right before the last Liwanag meeting of the year and asked myself why I was really going to the meeting: friends or God? I was feeling totally down that night, something had happened earlier that day that still hurts me inside till now. I started re-evaluating what God really meant to me because of what had happened that day... I felt so lost and I knew that I had to find some sort of inner peace before I could figure out whether I should have gone or not. So I prayed. I was half way to Interfaith and stopped. I said a prayer out loud and I not only found peace, but I also found the answer to my question.
In saying that prayer, I realized that the sad feelings I had that day were a part of my life that God wanted me to experience and that, yes it may have hurt me and I don't understand why it happened, that it maybe something that I wasn't meant to understand. Blind faith... trust God with all your might and know that he's always there for you! And that's what I did that night. I trusted in God and felt that what happened that day was meant to happen and that I shouldn't dwell on it. HE would always be there for me.
I ended up going to the Liwanag meeting that night... my heart was feeling somewhat better... we did ACTS and I started to cry... I knew that I wasn't just there for my friends because I really didn't want to go, but I went because I felt I needed to, that my friends would give me the comfort I needed but I also understood that I wasn't just there for them, because without God in my life, my friends wouldn't be there either.
We went to church this morning and I was totally falling asleep. It was so bad! My thoughts weren't completely in the presence of God, I kept thinking back to what I did on Friday, that I have to go to confession, that I have to talk to Irene and whatever the hell else that popped into my head. I don't know... I know that I wouldn't do that when I'm at church at Irvine and I noticed that I act a lot differently at mass with my family then I do with my Liwanag family. Is that a sign that the only reason I act that way is because I'm around friends and I do it for them not God? I hope not. I've asked myself this question so many times. I mean, do I go to Liwanag meetings to meet up with my friends, or to go there for God? I was also thinking about this during church... am I there for God or am I there just because it's expected of me to be there?
I took time out once, I think right before the last Liwanag meeting of the year and asked myself why I was really going to the meeting: friends or God? I was feeling totally down that night, something had happened earlier that day that still hurts me inside till now. I started re-evaluating what God really meant to me because of what had happened that day... I felt so lost and I knew that I had to find some sort of inner peace before I could figure out whether I should have gone or not. So I prayed. I was half way to Interfaith and stopped. I said a prayer out loud and I not only found peace, but I also found the answer to my question.
In saying that prayer, I realized that the sad feelings I had that day were a part of my life that God wanted me to experience and that, yes it may have hurt me and I don't understand why it happened, that it maybe something that I wasn't meant to understand. Blind faith... trust God with all your might and know that he's always there for you! And that's what I did that night. I trusted in God and felt that what happened that day was meant to happen and that I shouldn't dwell on it. HE would always be there for me.
I ended up going to the Liwanag meeting that night... my heart was feeling somewhat better... we did ACTS and I started to cry... I knew that I wasn't just there for my friends because I really didn't want to go, but I went because I felt I needed to, that my friends would give me the comfort I needed but I also understood that I wasn't just there for them, because without God in my life, my friends wouldn't be there either.
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