Being at home, especially when my dad is here is really hard for me to deal with. I guess I'm just not use to being around him anymore. He's sick too, so he's acting like a big baby. I swear he can't do anything on his own and asks me to do all this crap for him. I hella get mad when he does and he wonders why? I don't know, I can't really explain it, it's just one of those things that you have to experience yourself inorder to understand.

Ah... being at home is so... bleh!!! It's fine most of the time but I miss hanging out with friends and being able to stay up late and do absolutely nothing. I went to sleep at one this morning cause my dad told me to go to sleep. Not like I wasn't doing anything productive!! I was reading... but whatever, I went to bed of course but I wasn't tired so my thoughts started to drift off to other things; things that I still can't fully understand, but I've been trying to deal with since junior year of high school. I know what I'm talking about doesn't make sense, but that's okay... cause it's not meant to make sense, for all of you at least.

Have you ever meet someone that you totally fell in love with but you knew you couldn't do anything to be with them because of certain circumstances? Twice this has happened to me... and I believe a third is about to hit that I think will affect me the most. Love can be so cruel sometimes... I don't get why I put myself in its path, but sometimes I just find myself there. Sometimes I just can't help it though. When I have time to think, I think of them... why? Cause they make me SO happy!!! I think about them and I get a smile on my face sometimes. They make me feel hella good inside. When I hear a certain song or play a certain game that reminds me of them, I think to myself.."if only."

I know for those that know me and who are reading this, you all are probably wondering who the hell-o I'm talking about. Secrets revolve around everyones lives... and it includes mine. I know that that doesn't explain much, but that's what secrets are. I'm totally not making this up either... I may not know if what I really felt was love, but I'm pretty sure it's close to it. I'm sorry that I can't explain more than that though... but I will tell you that my first was still in high school... you knew the person. My second was one that I still can't get over because it made me hella sad to see them go... this happened over the summer. And the one that I still can't believe is happening to me is for someone that... I don't know... this has to stop though... I can't figure it out and it's driving me crazy. I guess this all part of the college experience... finding ones self and finding those that are right for them.