haven't posted for a while, and for good reason... usually i say what's up with me and how i'm feeling at the moment, but i kinda didn't want to tell anybody about it...
i didn't go home this weekend... and also for another good reason... if you read my sisters blog you'd understand why... home has something that has become scary the past week and i don't feel like dealing with all thats been going on... for the first time ever that i've been in irvine i was actually afraid of home... the same feeling when i knew that i had to come home and face my dad everyday during high school...
one of my biggest motivation for graduating from high school was to get away from my dad... and irvine was just the place to do so... not too far but still far enough... and so i got out... and then all this happened... i feel like if i go home i'd have to deal with the same consequences as roe did, as has always been the way since we were young... if one got in trouble, so did the rest...
i didn't mention this to anybody however... i only told them that i didn't want to go home because of stuff... i went with my days like nothing was wrong, but i knew that there was... the banquet had to get finished, but during the time when i had time to myself... like spary painting the give-a-ways, i sat and wondered if i should go home that coming weekend face the mess... i have two weeks left here, and then i HAVE to go home for the summer... i wish that i didn't, but i know that i can't stay away forever...
it's sad too... irvine is where liwanag and my friends are, and i feel like i'm gonna lose them over the summer and next year... em is leaving and i have puso board to do... i can't even make it to the end of the year potluck and mass.. unless i can be at three places at once... i really sad about that too... plus i have work, school, papers, and studying for finals to do... my first year in college was something that i never expected to turn out this way... it's kind of like a movie that i have control over...
the sad days are here, but there are many more to come still... especially if i have faith... in myself, my family, my friends, and in kuya jess... he's been the one person i could always turn to and lift all my worries and troubles to... i don't think i could have done this alone and with smiles and my love i thank him ever so much...
i didn't go home this weekend... and also for another good reason... if you read my sisters blog you'd understand why... home has something that has become scary the past week and i don't feel like dealing with all thats been going on... for the first time ever that i've been in irvine i was actually afraid of home... the same feeling when i knew that i had to come home and face my dad everyday during high school...
one of my biggest motivation for graduating from high school was to get away from my dad... and irvine was just the place to do so... not too far but still far enough... and so i got out... and then all this happened... i feel like if i go home i'd have to deal with the same consequences as roe did, as has always been the way since we were young... if one got in trouble, so did the rest...
i didn't mention this to anybody however... i only told them that i didn't want to go home because of stuff... i went with my days like nothing was wrong, but i knew that there was... the banquet had to get finished, but during the time when i had time to myself... like spary painting the give-a-ways, i sat and wondered if i should go home that coming weekend face the mess... i have two weeks left here, and then i HAVE to go home for the summer... i wish that i didn't, but i know that i can't stay away forever...
it's sad too... irvine is where liwanag and my friends are, and i feel like i'm gonna lose them over the summer and next year... em is leaving and i have puso board to do... i can't even make it to the end of the year potluck and mass.. unless i can be at three places at once... i really sad about that too... plus i have work, school, papers, and studying for finals to do... my first year in college was something that i never expected to turn out this way... it's kind of like a movie that i have control over...
the sad days are here, but there are many more to come still... especially if i have faith... in myself, my family, my friends, and in kuya jess... he's been the one person i could always turn to and lift all my worries and troubles to... i don't think i could have done this alone and with smiles and my love i thank him ever so much...
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