It's kinda weird. Whatever I may be feeling the past couple of days are things that I can't fully comprehend. There's just so many emotions running through me that even when I take the time out to think of what I'm going through, even I can't explain it.

I guess you could say for the first time, I feel like I'm growing up. I mean, I like acting like a kid, but when it comes down to it, I've forced myself to grow up. I'm no longer consider the "youngin" cause in reality, I'm not. Friends wise, I am part of the older group, and I don't think I'm ready for that.

It's like high school over again. Still there as friends, but that common ground of school is no longer there. Withdrawl. From what? The people that I met my first year that are no longer around. It's a cycle that I can't seem to break out of, and it sucks in the end to have to realize that things won't be the same way anymore.

I've always had a problem with change, yet it's sometihng that is a constant in our everyday lives. And I guess the events of this past Monday: the Pablo family (with the realization that anything can happen to the ones we love), the possible loss of a good friend, the papers and the midterms I have on my plate, trying to get over a number one, and on top of it all, trying to figure out why I'm feeling like this. Its all culminated into a mood that is keeping me away from those that I see often, or act differently around them, and not really caring, as well as not really understanding why.

My only thoughts to get out of this funk is to pray, and surprisingly, because in times before when I would feel this way, I couldn't pray, but now, I feel like that's all I can really do. All I really want is some understanding to what's going on with me.