Well... I got kicked out of the house last night. I hella talked back to my dad and he pushed me away telling me to leave at the same time. The weird thing was I would have left. I don't know where I would have gone, but at long as I had my phone and someone to talk to, then I would be set. I could have slept in the backyard for all he knew. I think this was what kept me up last night. I couldn't fall asleep. I went to bed around 12 something and I woke up right away to the sound of my phone ringing... and it was around 1. Usually I'd be knocked out by then, but I guess... it was Belenzo for all those who wanted to know. And no I didn't sleep outside. After my dad kicked me out my mom and I went to Wal Mart. By the time we got back my dad was already sleeping... so I guess. He'll be home in about three hours so I'm gonna have to dig a cave or something and keep myself busy =)

I miss Irvine. I swear being up there is like being set free from everything... not that I don't really want the responsibility of everything but its hella FUN not worrying about a lot of things. I've had to do that for the past 18 years of my life, now all I want to worry about is school and not drinking too much that I can't focus on school. I know... I've turned bad. Drinking? Cristina? What's up with me? I've changed... and maybe not for the good. I seriously have issues!!! I don't want to admit it but I'm not happy. I know I'm not. I may seem like it, but there's just so many things that bother me. For one thing there's my family... I love them with all my heart but sometimes they're the reason I get so sad... my friends... I guess only one friend in particular, cause I know I messed up but she still can't forgive me...school... picking a major, making my parents proud, not getting kicked out or dropping out; cause seriously, I don't know why I'm there, why I'm at school when I don't even want to be there. I know it sounds harsh but I really don't know why I'm there... then there's LOG, I still question myself till now. I think I truely and honestly need to find myself or my faith before I go back (although I say that now, I probably would go anyway cause they are a bunch of really sweet people whom I really love, they are the ones that made me feel welcome at Irvine)... and then there's this whole "thing" that totally conflicts with beliefs that I know is right, but I'm totally going against it... but I can't help it though. I just need someone to talk to. Someone who won't say anything, cause this whole deal with me trying to talk to myself isn't working. But sometimes you can't really trust anyone...