i guess my efforts in trying to set an example and be that leader in liwanag that i've wanted to be since over the summer, hasn't really taken shape. the effort was so strong in the beggining of the quarter, but mid-quarter and towards finals week, it gave way to something that i never thought it could: i simply stopped trying to make the effort.

maybe it's cause i felt like it wasn't needed anymore, but really it is... and no matter what, i have to remember that this is what i signed up for. i need to find that effort that i had. i need to make it my goal, and to make it become a part of me. i've let a lot of things slip, shrugged things off like it was nothing, knowing in the right mind that they were wrong, or something that i shouldn't be doing. it took a night of tears to realize that my actions affect so many people, but not in the positive way.

i have to remember bil, and the love that kuya jess has for me. sometimes i forget to do that. no matter what, through all the trials that come up in my life... i just have to remember that love, remember that i am here to serve Him, and to fully give my heart in serving Him is what i really want to do.... but it's so hard though...

so here it is... me taking the next steps to making that effort once again... go back to trusting in Him like i did before, and to be that example i've been wanting to be... ::sigh:: here's where it starts... with me. let the challenge begin... i signed up for it, and God please just help me to stay on that path you want for me... for where ever you lead me, i shall follow...

and... go...