I got up at 10am today, but I went to sleep at like 4am, so maybe I'll go back to sleep. But my mind is going off and thinking of things. Damn this thinking! It all started last night from what someone had said to me, and I started thinking about it.

When the devil knows that you are about to do something BIG for the Lord, those are the times that he works the hardest to bring you down, and make you falter in what you are trying to do. Kinda like when when Liwanag was having their benefit concert, or for spirit rally. I totally think you get tested the most during those times. Me, personally, I've felt it. Cause every year, a couple of days before an event for Liwanag, I have broken down. Broken down as in not wanting to be a part of the event anymore, crying causing I'm so confused or overwhelmed, or having a lack of understanding and questioning everything. These are the worse feelings, and yet I get them everytime, but each time they happened they got easier and easier to deal with. But still they were struggles.

I'm really worried that the pattern will repeat itself, especially with the Liwanag retreat coming up, and the spirit rally, and all these other things planned for Liwanag this coming quarter. I use to break down at least once a week for the first couple of weeks last quarter, and I REALLY don't want that to happen this quarter. ::sigh:: I have a feeling it will though. Damnit! Freakin-a... ::argh:: but I shall deal with it.

Wow, haven't really blogged like this in a while... aw my blog... okay my babbling is done. Hopefully I can think less of this subject. Laters everyone.