sometimes, all you can really do is pray... and wait for Him to show you His will.
what a week of heavy hearts and contemplations, and it's only tuesday! i really need this coming weekend... i think it would be a lot nicer however if my parents didn't think that i was working while really instead i'm off somewhere lying to them about where i am.
don't get me wrong though, i love my parents, and i'm grateful everyday to have them in my life, but my biggest fear in telling them about liwanag is the fact, not that they'll get mad, but the fact that they'll be disappointed in me; for not listening to their wishes, and for lying about everything i've been lying about. for just not being honest. it's a whole respect issue for them, and whole respect issue for me in that i feel like i'm not respecting them for their decisions. which i'm not, but that was a choice i made thinking that by not telling them, i'd keep them from getting hurt, when really the only person i'm really hurting is Him. for all the lies, not trusting, not letting go... for keeping up the walls of my heart. ::sigh::
i had a conversation with my mom after work on saturday, and she said, "study hard. hindi ito para sa amin, para sa kabukasan ninyo ito." my mom says the darndest things sometimes... she made me feel even worse after that. ::sigh::
my mom also said that "when you wake up, say a prayer. ask God to help you get through your day, and before you go to sleep, say sorry to God for the things you've done that day, even if you think you haven't done anything wrong. Our life is not our own, God has given it to us, and who knows, we might not live to see tomorrow, so say sorry to Him."
when she said that my eyes filled with tears, not for myself, but for my sister and my dad... jeez those two have issues! i've actually just recently learned to say "i love you" to my parents and sometimes i wish my sis can see through her darkened glasses and stare at the light which God has given to our family... our parents. as much as i hated growing up sometimes, i see where my parents came from when making decisions and i see now that what they did was out of love, and i'm glad that that was how i grew up, or else i wouldn't be the person i am today. i really jus wish that i can tell my parents about the spirit rally. i wish that they could come and be happy for me. another saturday in irvine lying to them about why i'm not going home... ::blah::
this got pretty long... back to reading.
what a week of heavy hearts and contemplations, and it's only tuesday! i really need this coming weekend... i think it would be a lot nicer however if my parents didn't think that i was working while really instead i'm off somewhere lying to them about where i am.
don't get me wrong though, i love my parents, and i'm grateful everyday to have them in my life, but my biggest fear in telling them about liwanag is the fact, not that they'll get mad, but the fact that they'll be disappointed in me; for not listening to their wishes, and for lying about everything i've been lying about. for just not being honest. it's a whole respect issue for them, and whole respect issue for me in that i feel like i'm not respecting them for their decisions. which i'm not, but that was a choice i made thinking that by not telling them, i'd keep them from getting hurt, when really the only person i'm really hurting is Him. for all the lies, not trusting, not letting go... for keeping up the walls of my heart. ::sigh::
i had a conversation with my mom after work on saturday, and she said, "study hard. hindi ito para sa amin, para sa kabukasan ninyo ito." my mom says the darndest things sometimes... she made me feel even worse after that. ::sigh::
my mom also said that "when you wake up, say a prayer. ask God to help you get through your day, and before you go to sleep, say sorry to God for the things you've done that day, even if you think you haven't done anything wrong. Our life is not our own, God has given it to us, and who knows, we might not live to see tomorrow, so say sorry to Him."
when she said that my eyes filled with tears, not for myself, but for my sister and my dad... jeez those two have issues! i've actually just recently learned to say "i love you" to my parents and sometimes i wish my sis can see through her darkened glasses and stare at the light which God has given to our family... our parents. as much as i hated growing up sometimes, i see where my parents came from when making decisions and i see now that what they did was out of love, and i'm glad that that was how i grew up, or else i wouldn't be the person i am today. i really jus wish that i can tell my parents about the spirit rally. i wish that they could come and be happy for me. another saturday in irvine lying to them about why i'm not going home... ::blah::
this got pretty long... back to reading.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home