i'm lost. you wanna know why i see everything as pointless? cause i don't know why i do it. there's no direction, hence, i'm lost. i'm just following the crowd, like a fish in a school of fishies that swim around all day. ::sigh:: and speaking of fish, we didn't get to see any last night. we just saw the water. made me kinda sad cause i was really hoping to see some fish last night.

i don't know why i even blog anymore... i use to be on top of everything with this whole blogger thing. blogging at least once a day and then reading everyone elses before i went to sleep. BLAH! ::whimpers:: i am trying, however, to see the positive of things, even though i think i'm going to fail one of classes. i've made some really bad decisions this quarter and when i look back on them i wonder, "wtf? i can't believe i did that."

so what now? i say i drop out of school and go into the military or something. it might led me to fighting in a war and dying at an early age, which i'm okay with. but you know what the only freakin reason i'm staying at irvine? liwanag. the people i've gotten a chance to know and hang out with, i don't think i'm ready to give it up yet. but then again with the way my academics have been going who knows whether or not i'll even be able to stay.

i want to go to sleep right now and get away from everything, too bad i'm not sleepy and i have class at 3. ::argh:: i hate this feeling. but maybe it's a good thing? what!?! i don't even know what the hell i'm talking about. ::argh:: i've just gotten myself riled up over nothing.... peice of shish!

i could continue on and on producing bull crap, but that entails me opening me up more than i already have, and i don't know if i should anymore. oooo, maybe that's it!!! i think i've changed so much as a person that i've lost sight of things that i use find meaning in. freakin-a! i'm going back to that... blah!

someone shoot me now please... or beat me... run me over? fine! i'm off to find a cliff... peace