i'm so lost... i don't understand... i don't want to pray about it... i don't want to be prayed for... i want to search for an answer to it all... but i'm scared of what i'll find.

i feel like there's something bigger out there.

why can't i trust? why can't i stop questioning? why can't i just sit back and let things happen? freakin-a! i don't want to give up, but i don't want to put in the effort either.